When we talk about narcissistic abuse, we often focus on the ways that narcissists manipulate and control people. Narcissists do not usually work alone. They often get help from people to carry out their plans. These people are called flying monkeys.
The term ‘flying monkeys’ comes from the monkeys in The Wizard of Oz that did what the Wicked Witch told them to do. In the case of abuse, flying monkeys are people who help the narcissist control and manipulate someone else.
Understanding flying monkeys can help people who have been abused to see what is happening. To protect themselves. It can also help them to heal and feel more confident.
What Are Flying Monkeys?
A flying monkey is someone who helps a narcissist to control or hurt someone. They might spread rumours, gather information or pressure the person to do what the narcissist wants. Some flying monkeys know what they are doing. Others think they are helping.
Flying monkeys can be anyone. Family members, friends, coworkers or even professionals. They might be helping the narcissist on purpose. They might not realise what is going on.
Why Narcissists Use Flying Monkeys
Narcissists use flying monkeys because they do not want to get caught. If they do something mean or hurtful directly, people might see what they are doing and stop them. If they use someone else to do it, they can pretend they had nothing to do with it.
There are reasons why narcissists use flying monkeys. They might want to:
- Keep controlling someone even after they’re not together anymore
- Make sure people think they are good and not bad
- Make someone doubt their own feelings or memories
- Avoid getting in trouble for what they did
- Keep someone from getting help or support from others
Types of Flying Monkeys
Not all flying monkeys are the same. Some of them know what they are doing. Some of them do not.
- Unaware flying monkeys think they are helping someone. They do not know the whole story.
- Willing flying monkeys know what the narcissist is doing. They are okay with it.
- Opportunistic flying monkeys help the narcissist because they think it will help them in some way.
- Family flying monkeys are often used by narcissists because they have a lot of influence and access to information.
Common Behaviours of Flying Monkeys
Flying monkeys might do a lot of things to help the narcissist. They might:
- Spread lies about someone
- Ask questions to get information about someone’s life.
- Deliver messages from the narcissist
- Try to make someone feel guilty or do what the narcissist wants
- Defend the narcissist’s behaviour
- Keep track of what someone’s doing online or in person
Signs You Are Dealing With Flying Monkeys
If you are dealing with flying monkeys, you might notice some things. They might:
- Keep bringing up the narcissist in conversations
- Try to make you talk to or forgive the narcissist
- Share information about you with the narcissist
- Not believe you or make you feel like you are crazy
- Be very invested in the narcissist’s side of the story
- Keep defending the narcissist even when you tell them what really happened
If you see some of these behaviours, it might mean that someone is a flying monkey.
The Impact of Flying Monkeys on Victims
Flying monkeys can make things much worse for people who have been abused. They can:
- Make you doubt yourself and your feelings
- Make you feel alone and isolated
- Make you feel very tired and stressed
- Make it harder for you to heal and move on
- Make you feel anxious and scared all the time
How to Respond to Flying Monkeys
If you are dealing with flying monkeys, there are some things you can do. You can:
- Not share information with people who might tell the narcissist
- Set boundaries. Say no to things that do not feel right
- Not try to defend yourself or explain things too much
- Stay calm and not react to what they are saying
- Remember that your feelings and experiences are real
- Keep track of what’s happening and write it down if you need to
Protecting Yourself from Future Manipulation
To protect yourself, you can:
- Set strong boundaries and say no to things that do not feel right
- Spend time with people who are kind and supportive
- Not talk to people who’re toxic or mean
- Not use social media as much if it is hurting you
- Focus on taking care of yourself and healing
- Get help from a therapist or counsellor if you need it
Healing After Exposure to Flying Monkeys
Healing from abuse and dealing with flying monkeys can take time. It can involve:
- Talking to a therapist or counsellor
- Spending time with people who care about you
- Building your self-confidence and self-esteem
- Taking care of yourself and doing things that make you happy
- Learning to recognise flags and signs of manipulation
Healing is not always easy, but it is possible. You can get stronger and more confident. You can learn to protect yourself from people who might try to hurt you.
ConclusionÂ
Flying monkeys play a role in narcissistic abuse. They help narcissists to control and manipulate people. They can make things much worse for victims. If you understand what flying monkeys are and how they work, you can protect yourself and start to heal. Remember that you are not alone, and some people care about you and want to help.
